November 22, 1889
Has an interview with pesky snipes – tackels a snake – has a round with his wife and is called upon by the police force and fire company – goes to the depot hears a conversation and sees a foot race etc., etc.
On Tuesday afternoon I walked into the dry goods store of Davenport and Piercy and asked for the proprietors. Mr. Day, that dandy clerk of theirs, with his hair roached back like an Indian, told me one of them was in. Just then Mr. Piercy, the funny man of the firm, and well known to the journalistic world as “Pesky Snipes” [...] up and taking a good look at my style asked if I was “Flipp.” I bowed and taking the proffered chair started to sit down, when to my horror I saw beneath me coiled in that chair a huge snake. I jumped near ten feet, yelled murder, fire, snakes and such things and swore I had been bitten by that reptile, and while standing there wonderin ghow to make my will (for I was sure I would die from the effects of that snake bite) John Piercy, or “Pesky” as I will call him was just dying with laughter, then I got mad and grabbingan axe helve, began to pound that snake; every lick I hit, the thing would jump at me. Mr. Day came from behind the counter with a two foot smile playing around his ruby lips and taking the snake by the head, said, “Man, what is the matter, are you wild? this is a rubber snake which Piercy bought to have some fun with.” After cooling down a little, I took a good look at it and sure enough I had been fooled, but “Pesky” being such a dear good fellow, I could not get mad, so I took what was left of that chair and sit down to ask him some questions. He gave me the history of Mr. Days’ coutship which was very interesting, then he quoted one of Mr. Days’ latest poems, entitled “Vine Hill Cottage.” He also quoted some from Josiah Allen, winding up on the “Peg Horn” boys. As I had laughed most all the buttons off of my vest, I started to leave but he said he had a new drawing to show me. It was a scene, the first was a saw dust road, leading from the town to a beautiful cottage. The second was a cottage at the end of said road, in the door of which stood a pretty girl and as the soft light from the hall lamp falls on the scene we see, standing on the steps hat in hand, a young man, we can, as we look on that scene, imagine we hear the soft good night, the door closes and the light in the parlor goes out, the gate slams and all is darkness. Scene 3d, a white cow coming out of the woods, the young man (which we recognize to be a popular dry goods clerk, also a member of the band.) pistol in one hand and hat in the other, coming home at a break-neck speed, and from the position of his lips I should say the man was yelling murder of ghosts.
Well after looking at that picture I went home where I found “that wife of mine” as mad a woman ever gets, she said I had been down town and made a big fool of myself by letting John Piercy scare the life out of me with one of those rubber snakes. She said that every woman in the town was making fun of my ignorance and that I had just gone and played the duce. I tried to reason with her, but woman like she would see but one way. She said that the most timid lady would have had better sense than to get frighten at such a thing. Just here I happened to think about the candy mouse I had in my pocket, so I just sliped it in her apron, she gave a scream lit with both feet in a chair then to the centre table, still screaming as loud as her voice would let her. I asked her what was the trouble but could get no sense in her. Hearing a terrible racket in the hall I went to the door, there came Police Ayers with a dozen men, asking who was murdered, and in the front door came Capt. E. R. Latham followed by his company, the most excited lot of firemen I ever saw, seeking where the fire was at, then came the Beacon reporter, paper and pencil in hand, asking if he should head that article “A tragical murder, or a disastrous fire.” I was so full of laugh that I could not say a word, I opened the sitting room door and let the excited crowd take in the scene. There upon the table stood “that wife of mine”and upon the rug before the fire lay the candy mouse which had caused the great panic. The men left in disgust, and I told the figure on the table to come down and try in future not to get scared at such little things. She came down, but there was a like of pleasantness in her voice for several days.
I was among the multitude that met the train on Wednesday night. Never in my life have I seen such a gang looking for a train. Why editor there were all colors, shapes and sizes of people. I got in the waiting room and held fast to the ticket office window until some lady place her No. 6 on my corn, then I let go that window and was pushed out on the walk, there I was caught between two ladied that would tip the beam at 187 lbs, and had the breath and shape mashed out of me. After escapeing from their loving embrace I was shoved on around the building to the freight protector where I saw what is called a “he” dance, the sot was made up of nothing but colored men. Walking past the protector to the wharf, there I saw fond lovers promenading too and fro. One couple I noticed more closely than the others, they seemed to be getting to the point, that a lover stammers to make. The lady wore a beautiful costume of green, th eman wore a black suit, blue eye-glasses and in his hand he held a cane. They drew near the edge of the wharf and stopped, the young man gazed out upon the star-lit waters as if he could catch from the silent deep, some tender expression, then looking up into the lustrous eyes of the fair maiden he, in a tremling voice, said: “If your answer be no my body shall rest beneath the deep and the waves that now roll on in playful glee, will then roll over the watery grave of a broken-hearted lover, but if yes, I will be the happiest man that ever lived.” As my attention was then called to a foot race between a young lady and the B. M., of the Beacon, I did not hear her answer, it must have been yes as the young man is yet on the town. While you know the man as no other person does, yet your readers do not, and for their benefit I will say, watch for the man that sports a cane and blue eye glasses. — Flipp.